it all sounds the same.

I go to bed, I miss her.
I wake up, I miss her.
I wash wash my face, I miss her.
I put on my makeup, I miss her.
I go to work, I miss her.
I take the bus, I miss her.
I listen to music, I miss her.
I spend paychecks, I miss her.
I regret, I miss her
I drink wine, I miss her.
I smoke weed, I miss her.
I save whiskey bottles. I miss her





I'm tired, I miss her...

consummation of grief.

alone with everybody.

I don't know how much longer I can keep fooling myself into believing that all this booze I drink, and the tattoos Ive been saving for are making me happy.

I wake up everyday just wishing she was still here.

Chasing my damage.

I can't make it through a week of work without feeling completely defeated, I think that has a lot to do with my confidence in myself. Ive been feeling bummed about friendships, and lately Ive been really trying to fool myself into believing that I'm not lonely. My mind drifts off to Monique and all I can think about is what life would be like if she was still here...

But at the end of it all, I can at least say I have a job, and now I have been given my own department, Watch out Jewelry, handbags, suits/dress. I'm taking over. I really hope I can do as good as they seem to think I can.

nine years.

I was 15 the first time I experienced my first death of a loved one, He was my grandfather. My fathers father, a great man who loved his family with his whole heart and treated us granddaughters like queens. Those 9 years have since taken with them my Father, Grandmother and Sister. These 9 years have changed me, taken so much hope, and love and at times have left me feeling like nothing but a shell of what was once a person. Friends have come and gone, a Family that were once so tightly bonded has since completely turned against each other, Most of the time I feel like Ive completely lost all hope. But then I remember there love, and know that they are gone. But the love I have for them will always remain, and grow. I will continue to carry them with me, and though often I lose sight of everything and want to bury myself beneath my bed and make it my grave. I will continue to pick myself up, and hold on, Because I know that they have given me the kind of strength that will always remain with me

beware those who seek constant crowds; the are nothing alone.

As long as they never forget her, it will make forgetting me a little less painful.
I'm here but just some distant memory, being alone is a struggle, I slowly feel all of my friends slipping away. I need to stop making myself feel like I'm not enough. It's time to focus on me, and my well being. I'm the only person who can get me through this. I miss Monique,but I keep feeling like I'm just letting everyone down, especially her.

I was born to hustle roses down the avenues of the dead.

My brother showed up out of nowhere, and thought it would be okay to just pretend like nothing ever happened. He needed a place to stay while he tried to get in touch with his ex, who he loves so much. He didn't bother to apologize for smashing my room and breaking my spirit. He barley acknowledged me and my mom, I knew he was just using us because he's burned all his bridges, But this time was different, I knew I couldn't just let him back into my life again, as much as I wish I could have a relationship with him. I know that he would just hurt me, and I can't let him do that anymore. My mom is the only person who could tell to go, and after a week of me pleading with her, she finally drove him to the train. She finally realized he had no intention of trying to make good with us, he just wants his ex back, and we are the only people he knows he could walk all over to get whatever he wants. Not anymore though.

The feeling of wanting my brother to just leave town is horrible when it's combined with the feeling of wishing everyday for my sister to be here, I feel like a horrible sibling and can't understand why I can't just be grateful to have my brother, even though he hurts me. It's something that tears at my heart everyday.