10 months.

10 months ago today, I became a different person and and suddenly I had to start experiencing life all over again. Because suddenly everything became something without, everyday there is a missing piece. These 10 months have been the most challenging Ive ever experienced and at times I thought "I just can't do this, I can't live without you" I have laid in bed and waited for my heart to stop beating too, because I swore it was impossible to live without her. I still have nightmares, anxiety, I still cry all the time, and lose my breath. But I also still laugh, dance, and know how to love. I never thought those things were possible. I know the rest of my life will never be the same, I will always be missing my other half. I am a different person now, we all are. Monique's departure from this earth took pieces of everyone's heart.

But I know now, that I can't consider just opening my eyes in the morning a battle won. I am slowly oh so slowly trying to figure out what to do with myself. I know that there will still be times were I think I wont make it, But so far I'm still alive and I need to start living.

But so far I'm still counting, I still know exactly what this day means, 10 months without Monique.

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places, I would.