Friday, April 16, 2010

in a sense I will be speaking, just to you.

I'm all alone chasing my memory, everyone is moving but me. I wish I could pick up the phone and call Monique. I try so hard to wonder what she would say to me, what she would want for me, happiness. Ive learned that I can't force feed myself false hope or happiness, I never have been a good lair, not even to myself. I felt like for a while there I was getting my footing, waking up at a decent hour in the morning, not laying in bed for hours with covers over my face, working out, trying to manage my anxiety and depression, I haven't completely lost it yet, but I'm starting to stumble, lose my balance. Staying up till the sun rises and not moving till 3pm, anxiety is creeping up and depression is looming. I wonder how long I will keep wondering for?


p.s

My brother is back in town, and I'm scared.

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