An Uncomfortable Routine

Denial and Isolation.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance.
Ive lived the last 5 1/2 years balancing just that. I question weather there will ever be a point in my life were I am not grieving, I highly doubt it most of the time. I will always grieve for those that hold so much of my heart. After my dad died I threw myself into life, mostly for Monique, I knew I had to take care of her, and I tried my best to, and It felt good, she in time did just the same for me. After she died I completely took myself out of life, to the point were I had people pleading for me to "not take my own life" never did I say I was, But I later found out my face said more than I ever could, or would. My highs through this past year are credited to all the wonderful people that literally held me up, got me out of bed, or just simply laid it in with me. I so badly want to make everyone proud. I'm told constantly how much potential I have, but I just can't see it yet. I used to think I could take on the world, now most days it feels like the world is taking me. It's frustrating, to lack so much confidence in myself, it's disgusting. I was a part of this wondrous set and all I ever did was bitch if you called me "the twins", because I was my own damn person. I guess I never stopped to think how it would feel to really be just me. Maybe I should have. But I can't go back now. I somehow need to find that strong person I was, but I so easily get lost. I'm tired of being lost, I'm tired of being tired.