You were good in your time

"Let the heart rest
Lay back your head
You were good in your time
And we thank you

You made me feel less alone
You made me feel not quite so
Deformed, uninformed and hunchbacked

Time takes all breath away
You were good in your time
And we thank you so, so...

You said more in one day
Than most people say
In a lifetime, it was our time
And we thank you

An end-of-the-ride sigh
Your soft smile says
"Please understand, I must surrender"

Then you grip with your hand
Now so sworn in mine
Are you aware, wherever you are,
That you have just died?"-Morrissey

This song makes me think of the last time I spent with Monique, except in reality it was not that calm and beautiful. But if I could go back in time knowing I couldn't save her heart from stopping, I would have simply sang her this song.

I know I haven't been writing much, I used to write every single day. now it's a few time a month, it's funny how fast time goes, and it leaves you stopped in your tracks looking for it. Today is February 1st. in 27 days it will be marking the one year anniversary of Monique's passing. I have yet to really start living again. I once read in some pamphlet about loss how this lady lost her brother and she wrote that time healed her and after a year the pain no longer brought her to her knees. I know that that was not telling me that in a year I will be fine, but that eventually in my time I will be. I really don't know when the pain of it all will stop "bringing me to my knees" Because when I really think about it all, really focus on the fact that my sister is dead, and buried 6ft underground, it feels like two hands ripping through my chest scraping the last of the love from heart.