March 9th 2009

I remember this day vividly, getting up early, ripping my fishnets and standing there crying while one of my friends sewed them back up. That long drive to the church, standing in front of a packed room reading a poem to Monique because I didn't have the courage to write my own words, running to my purse so I could get a little bottle of whiskey to give her as my final gift before they closed her casket for the last time,watching those sad faces put bright orange FUNERAL stickers on there cars, staring at the hearse the entire way to the cemetery..... I remember looking around seeing so many people, Ive never seen that many people at a cemetery before.. I kissed her casket good bye before they lowered her into the ground. After everyone sent balloons in the air with wishes to Monique, I stood there, forever just staring at the ground she was now residing in, I looked up and everyone was gone, except for Alicia, Leigh, Adri, Miles and Robin. They stood there and waited while I just stared down at the ground. I finally told them they were gonna have to tell me when to go, because I could not make the decision to walk away, I just wanted to jump in the hole with her and let cover me with the soil too... eventually someone grabbed my arm and walked me to the car, I can still feel that feeling I had, that day.

1 year underground

when you left
you took almost
everything.