Waiting....

for someone that is never coming back, for a happiness that may not exist, to feel good again. Lately I find myself waiting in that empty space in my heart, just sitting there trying to gather my self, I wait and wonder. I think about Monique every day, and when I think about life with her, and then back to this current life,it's still so intense of a pain I feel without her, can anyone see the gaping hole in me? sometimes it feels that way. Sometimes I wish I was a better liar, I wish I didn't talk to much, maybe then I wouldn't be so lonely, maybe then certain people would have stuck around and I would have someone to watch t.v with me till 3am, or someone to drink 40oz with and listen to music. Someday I want to leave my house and not be afraid of what someone sees when they look at me, to be able to hold my head up high, and not get lost staring at the ground, missing the world that's going on right before me.


My bedroom window is open and I find the sound of the wind moving the trees about comforting, I think I'm gonna crawl in bed with Bukowski and rest my mind for now.