no use for a title

My mom's ex apparently filmed the release of the balloons at Monique's funeral, it's been over a year and today my mom came home with the dvd, it had two parts on it but my mom said the first was nothing and we watched the second, it was blurry and not much in focus, I really thought it would just be directed at the sky, but the main focus was the sea of black surrounding the hole in the ground. Tonight before I was gonna go to bed I put on the dvd again and decided to check out the first part because I just had this weird feeling that it had something on it, well I was right.... I guess rick decided to film the lowering of the casket. I just stood there staring at the tv for what felt like forever watching it all over again, my heart racing, you can hear sobbing from my mom and Melina.... staring at that white casket knowing it held the remains of Monique, it took me back to that day. Just knowing she was still near me, and thinking back to now, this emptiness. I miss Monique so much, that I can't even find the words I'm really searching for, they don't even exist.