Monique, to me you are a work of art.

Thursday March 12, 2009


I was laying in bed, again... and I couldn't stop thinking about you, I don't think I ever will. I'm haunted with the memory of your body lying there lifeless, I never thought in my wildest dreams that one day I would be looking down at you in a casket.

I hope you know you were and will be the best sister a girl could ever dream of, You were my life, I would do anything to make you happy. I trusted you more than anyone ever, You knew me so well. I am terrified to keep living without you, I keep asking you to come to me in my dreams, just tell me you are ok. And you haven't yet. I don't even dream anymore, its as if my brain literally just shuts of at night, and you are the first person I think of when my eyes open and I realize I have to go through another day without you. You were always the first person I saw when I woke up and the last person I saw before I fell asleep.

We shared a love that not many people will ever know. Ive never celebrated a birthday without you, or mourned the anniversary of dads death without you. How am I supposed to do all those things alone mo? who will I buy things for when I eventually get a job? who will remind me that even though I drank to much whiskey, you still love me? who will clean up my puke when I'm to sick to make it to the sink? who will make sure my eyebrows are perfect and my hair is just the right height?who will help me pick out cute outfits?. You did those all those things for me, I never feared the loss of much because I always had you, and as long as I had you, I had everything I needed, I always wanted to get an apartment with you, I promised you I would take care of you for the rest of my life.

well I'm still here and you are not...

and I keep asking the same question, what am I supposed to do now, I lived for you?

I hope you know how much you were loved, do you see how well Our friends and family have taken care of me? all because of how much they loved US.

Every time I get something new I am reminded of the fact that you are not here to share it with. I spent 22 years of my life sharing everything I owned with you. and now I'm left with all this stuff, But Id give it all back, everything. Just have you with me again.

In my life, I love you more


R.I.P Monique
4-12-1986 / 2-28-2009