To put everything into simply terms, Monique died from a form of Hepatitis I still have a hard time even saying (Fulminant Non-Alcoholic Steato-Hepatitis) her liver was three time's the size of a normal liver, and her heart was starting to overcompensate, which is why after 22 years it stopped beating.
The month her health was at it's worst, we were made to believe she was just depressed, she wasn't eating, she was weak, so all they did was pump more antidepressants into her, we kept taking her to the hospital, all they had to say was she was dehydrated. Now I find out, she was dying, her liver was failing and they never did a thing about it, they never even knew(we never knew) and it took a coroner to find it all out, The what if's and should have's will get me nowhere
(she just wanted to learn to live a sober life, she just wanted to feel better again)
I miss her, I wish I could have saved her. If I had known I would have done anything, I would have given her my liver, I would have given her my heart.
I have chills right now. My cousin passed away the same exact way almost 4 years ago, at age 20. He went to sleep one night and never woke up; no one ever knew anything was this wrong until it was too late.
ReplyDeleteLife is not fair. Everything does NOT happen for a reason, and for what it's worth, I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you. You've experienced the greatest pain that anyone can feel, and I find your strength to hold on quite profound. Time heals nothing, but I hope that in time, you will perhaps become more numb to the pain, and be able to achieve everything your sister would have wanted you to.
For me personally, when I finally became numb to the pain of losing my cousin, I turned my anger at the fact that he was gone into productivity. For example, he was an excellent student, #1 at his university. As a freshman in high school, I decided I was going to be at the top of my class as well, and I was. He was an alcoholic, so I decided to swear sobriety for life in his honor. I changed so many things about the way I was living, because although death brings so much negativity, I realized that if I myself passed on, I would want my friends and family to keep on living, and live even better than they did when I was around.
I wish you the best; please know that I understand, this pain will never go away. However, there are ways to numb it, and not move on, but move forward.
If you ever need anyone to talk to, I love to listen:)