help me live.

The month started well,

I can't seem to point out an exact moment were it went wrong, But anxiety is telling my mind something is just not right. I have that anxious feeling were I feel the need to fidget and I think my heart is going to rip out of my chest, I could be in the middle of drawing on my brows and I start to feel like I'm having a heart attack, but I remind my self it's just my anxiety, roaring through my life like a tornado. I'm still holding high hopes for a job, knowing everyone would be so proud of me.

I felt the need to hide under my covers today, I wanted to hide, in hopes to just escape from everything, if only for a few moments. after realizing I could not fall asleep like I wanted, I slowly peeked out behind my blanket, expecting some terrifing monster to be hovering over me, I found nothing but the silence of my empty house, I gazed at the walls, that I so tirelessly re arranged the posters on, at my dresser and closet, at how this room never looked like this when Monique was alive. Sometimes I feel like I'm being held hostage to my pain in this room, that I shared with Monique for 3 years. It was ours. It's filled with our stuff.

I never leave her side of the closet open anymore, sometimes I will open it for a moment and pull out a sweater and hold on to it real tight, it's all I have left now. I feel so empty without her presence in my life.

this room, her clothes, I still have, those memories those moments, I still remember. But I need more now, I need to make more memories.


I need my sister back.