Stand by me.

These past few days, I can say I have been feeling ok. I started working out, and trying to eat a bit healthier, focusing on the good that's left in my life, I'm applying for a job on Friday, and just having the confidence for that is so new for me, I am trying to find the words to talk to a friend, and tell him how he is hurting me, But his hurt, it's not dragging me down.

Reading through my posts I feel the need to call out a few people,

Alicia,

I love you, we have been through it all, and I know, we will be through more,I know you will be apart of my life when more of it comes crashing down. I hate that you live so far away, But you are family to me, and I love you with all that is left of me. I can't wait to see all the beautiful things you do with your life, we have grown up together and continue to grow. por vida

Leigh,

Our friendship has grown so much, I just want to say thank you, you have not given up on me, I have been honest with my feelings, and at times that hurt you, but here you are still with me, growing and learning, I will never be able to see the world through your eyes, But I'm glad I have you, to simply form sentences that remind me the world is still a beautiful place. I love you with all that I am, and I thank you for always being here with me, at my best and at my worst..... through still and storm...... you have been here for me.

Phuong,

You keep it real, I remember when Monique was sick, you got up at un-godly hours to take her to the clinic to make sure she got the help she needed, at her worst you saw the best in her, and you have done the same for me, I love you. and will always remember what you did for Monique, and what you still continue to do for me.

Beano,

although you live 8+ plus hours away from me, you have continued to stay apart of my life, you are someone who will always be with me, and I will always cherish you.

Michael,

You were there when I didn't even have words, just tears, to keep me seeing the bigger picture, you gave Monique a camera she always wanted, you took care of me when I was drunk, so Mo could run around and not worry, just have fun. thank you.

Brittany,

Our Friendship is new and growing, it's safe to say I never gave you a chance in the beginning, I know Monique was always around to show you a good time, and I'm glad you were able to be apart of her life. You have been a very positive influence for me as of the past few months, thank you for being here to listen and to help me through. I hope our friendship continues to grow.

Paul,

I didn't like you, I overprotected my sister. I never gave you a chance, But I'm trying to now, and I am doing this for Monique and for me, I know you will never love another woman the way you loved my sister, you will always be apart of Monique's life....... and now I'm letting you into mine.

Nathan,

you have made me feel like nothing more than an obligation, someone you just need to "check in" on, a long long time ago I asked you to never treat me any different for a broad, but you have, and you lost a part of my trust that you will most likely never be able to have again, I will always love you. But you have hurt me.

I have many other friends that I very much love and appreciate, and just because I did not state there names above does not make my love for them any less. I spent some time reading all of my older posts, and I still stand by the quote "time heals nothing" it's not time that's "healing" it's my family, friend's and my own personal strength. I will never be the same, I will always have a broken heart. But to those of you that have seen me as a whole, when I feel like I'm just pieces.

Thank you.