Cause I can hardly see,What's in front of me these days

I woke up today with that lifeless feeling again, one good day always leads to a horrible day, were I just feel completely drained and empty.

I think I have a horrible problem. I'm sure I'm in need of professional help, But I always think about monique, usually all the good times, but then there are the bad, when I was mean to her, when I saw her lifeless body for the first time in the i.c.u. I remember holding her hand till it got cold and the already immense pain I already felt got even more painful,and then there was seeing her all dolled up, but still dead laying in her casket, god she glowed, with her soul organs and blood gone she fucking glowed. Then there is watching her casket get lowered and having to walk away from her and know I would never be able to see her face again, only in my memory and photo's but that's not fucking good enough anymore.

I have a hard time going to the cemetery because all I can think about is her body down there, and what it looks like now, what her face looks like now, It terrifies me. I hate knowing I will never be able to put my arms around her again, She left her body behind to rot underground.

so when I die, what am I gonna see? who is Monique now? will I still be able to wrap my arms around her? If I do, I promise you this time I'm never letting go.