when will I feel satisfied with this mess Ive made of my life?
when will another friend have to watch me lay in my own vomit?
these questions have been weighing heavy on my heart, I've hit new levels of rock bottom these past five months, for some reason I am determined to make everyone in my life hate me as much as I hate myself, I can't seem to connect with the persons eye's I see in the mirror anymore.
It's true. a major part if me died with Monique 5 months ago.
Now I can either kill off whats left of me (and no, that doesn't mean what it sounds like) I mean I can continue on this life of self destructive behavior, I can keep drinking large quantities of booze and wake up covered in my own puke, take as many pills as I can get my hands on, and push away all the people that are trying there best to love me. But I don't want to, I'm tired of being so fucking lost and sad. I know Monique is gone, and nothing can or will bring her back to me. But I need a change in my life.
I can't keep going the way I am, It hurts to much.
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