oh, hey.

I’ve disconnected from so many people and things in my life as of late. I don’t know how I feel about any of it.

your arsenal

I'm the biggest danger to myself.... It's time to make some changes in my life, accept what it is I have and finally let go of what I've been trying so long to hold onto, because I can't stay like this forever.

February

almost 2 years.


FUCK.

all of a sudden I miss everyone.

I thought I was done with this blog, I told myself to just move on, that I had nothing left to say, but even though I still feel like nothing more than a broken record I have found my way back to these pages. I thought maybe I could get it together, turn my life around and make everyone proud, But I think I may have been so worried about what everyone else thought, that I forgot about me.

So here I am, sinking beneath the weight of what will almost be the 2 year anniversary of a day that I feel has forever destroyed me.

I tried to get it right, I got out of bed, I left my house, I got myself a job, I met a boy and for a moment I thought I could let down my walls, be the person I was when Monique was still alive, find the good in me that she knew dwelled between my anger. For a moment I thought I could get right, then the cold hand of reality slapped me in the face, but not instantly, oh no. It's one of those slow motion slaps that is actually still going........ and I'm waiting for the finale of it all.

farwell.

It's been almost 2 years and there is nothing to be said, that hasn't been said before.

it all sounds the same.

I go to bed, I miss her.
I wake up, I miss her.
I wash wash my face, I miss her.
I put on my makeup, I miss her.
I go to work, I miss her.
I take the bus, I miss her.
I listen to music, I miss her.
I spend paychecks, I miss her.
I regret, I miss her
I drink wine, I miss her.
I smoke weed, I miss her.
I save whiskey bottles. I miss her





I'm tired, I miss her...

consummation of grief.