all of a sudden I miss everyone.

I thought I was done with this blog, I told myself to just move on, that I had nothing left to say, but even though I still feel like nothing more than a broken record I have found my way back to these pages. I thought maybe I could get it together, turn my life around and make everyone proud, But I think I may have been so worried about what everyone else thought, that I forgot about me.

So here I am, sinking beneath the weight of what will almost be the 2 year anniversary of a day that I feel has forever destroyed me.

I tried to get it right, I got out of bed, I left my house, I got myself a job, I met a boy and for a moment I thought I could let down my walls, be the person I was when Monique was still alive, find the good in me that she knew dwelled between my anger. For a moment I thought I could get right, then the cold hand of reality slapped me in the face, but not instantly, oh no. It's one of those slow motion slaps that is actually still going........ and I'm waiting for the finale of it all.