these things take time.

I like to believe that during the day she is at the beach taking photo's of the tide, and when the sun sets she is out capturing all the colors in the sky, and finally when night falls and the moonlight shines bright she is out wondering the sidewalks, photographing streetlights. In those moments when I think of this, I find happiness.

Because if she is happy, I am too.

screams from the balcony.

I miss Monique, I say it all the time, but it's true. I find when the slightest something goes wrong in my life, the sting of her absence intensifies and It leaves me paralyzed with loneliness. I fool myself into believing that I'll be ok as long as I keep busy and spend as much time with my friends as I can, but there are times when friends aren't around and I don't want to keep busy, and then I find myself in my empty house, walking from room to room, and sighing with discontent, because I can't find comfort in being alone like most. I miss her presence, her voice, I miss the other half I was born with. This house feels sad, it too longs for her life to dwell between these walls.

empty words

Ive turned into an epic fool, and I only have myself to blame.

Mario Jose Rosaz Sr.

It's been 6 years since I said goodbye to you, I'm nothing I thought I'd be, I'm nowhere I wanted to be, But I still hope to make you proud, one day. I love you Dad.

I'm not ready to forgive you.

I don't know if I'll ever fully understand why the ones we love, sometimes hurt us beyond imagination. I don't know when I'll ever be able to fully hold my head up high, because of hateful words spoken from the mouth of someone who has the same blood as I running through his veins. I even changed my phone number, as defeated as he has made me, I still hold on to the hope that one day he could be the Brother I wish to have.

Today at the mall my aunt was talking to a sales girl at Macy's about her tattoo's, when I asked her were she got them, she walked up to me grabbed my arm and told me she was in the same recovery program as my sister, She had known what happened, and said sorry, she looked so sad, When I left she hugged me, and she was crying. The way she looked at me broke my heart, I knew she saw her in me, and even though we didn't really talk about anything, I know what that look meant, just one glance and I was able to tell that Monique affected her life, in those 28 days they spent trying to find themselves.

god, I miss her.