alone with everybody.

I don't know how much longer I can keep fooling myself into believing that all this booze I drink, and the tattoos Ive been saving for are making me happy.

I wake up everyday just wishing she was still here.

Chasing my damage.

I can't make it through a week of work without feeling completely defeated, I think that has a lot to do with my confidence in myself. Ive been feeling bummed about friendships, and lately Ive been really trying to fool myself into believing that I'm not lonely. My mind drifts off to Monique and all I can think about is what life would be like if she was still here...

But at the end of it all, I can at least say I have a job, and now I have been given my own department, Watch out Jewelry, handbags, suits/dress. I'm taking over. I really hope I can do as good as they seem to think I can.

nine years.

I was 15 the first time I experienced my first death of a loved one, He was my grandfather. My fathers father, a great man who loved his family with his whole heart and treated us granddaughters like queens. Those 9 years have since taken with them my Father, Grandmother and Sister. These 9 years have changed me, taken so much hope, and love and at times have left me feeling like nothing but a shell of what was once a person. Friends have come and gone, a Family that were once so tightly bonded has since completely turned against each other, Most of the time I feel like Ive completely lost all hope. But then I remember there love, and know that they are gone. But the love I have for them will always remain, and grow. I will continue to carry them with me, and though often I lose sight of everything and want to bury myself beneath my bed and make it my grave. I will continue to pick myself up, and hold on, Because I know that they have given me the kind of strength that will always remain with me